If you have experienced violence while you have been pregnant, you are not alone. The statistics of domestic violence during pregnancy show that if a woman is pregnant, she is 60% more likely to be beaten.
Domestic violence during pregnancy is defined as "physical, sexual or emotional violence toward the pregnant woman" or even being "threatened physically or sexually during pregnancy."
Keep in mind that violence can be threatening words, which is known as verbal abuse. It does not just mean physical abuse. For example, if the father of your baby/male partner calls you names and threatens you, this is still abuse.
What happens to pregnant women who are in abusive relationships?
More Pregnancy Complications with Domestic Violence
Research shows that women who have been victims of domestic violence are more likely to have problems in their pregnancies such as:
- Lower birthweight in their babies
- Bleeding
- Miscarriage
- Ruptured membranes (water breaks)
- Placental abruption
- Abdominal trauma
In addition, pregnant women who do not feel safe because of domestic violence will often suffer from greater stress and depression. Domestic violence during pregnancy affects not just one person, but two. So in essence all of these physical and emotional problems the mother experiences as a result of domestic violence and the abusive relationship she is involved in will also cause harm to her baby.
Expectant mothers also need to know that domestic violence during pregnancy doesn't just indirectly harm her baby by causing harm to the mother. If the expectant mother is in an abusive relationship during her pregnancy, it doubles her child's risk of death from 28 weeks of pregnancy through the first month of life.
What Goes Through the Minds of Victims of Domestic Violence?
One of the most interesting things about domestic violence is the similar thought patterns of victims. Here are a number of thoughts that many women who have experienced domestic violence think or believe:
- "It will get better."
- "He has a lot of stress so if I just say the right things, do the right things, etc... it won't happen again."
- "He only loses his temper and calls me names once in awhile."
- "He has only beat me once or twice since I've known him."
- "If I tell anyone, they won't believe me or understand anyway."
- "If I tell anyone and he finds out, it will only get worse."
- "Most of the time, he is calm."
- "He has never hit me; he only loses his temper."
- "I deserve this."
- "I can't predict his behavior."
If you are not sure that you are in an abusive relationship, one of the most telling signs is having a fear of your partner/spouse.
How to Get Help
If you are pregnant and you are in an abusive relationship, it is so important for you and your baby that you get help right away. Here are ways you can get help immediately:
- Create a Safety Plan. A safety plan is what to do in an emergency situation when you feel threatened. Your safety plan should include finding a trusted friend to help you, getting access to transportation, using a code word when the abuser is present and instructing your children to places they can go in an emergency.
- Call 911.
- National Domestic Violence Hotline - 1-800-799-SAFE(7233)
- Domestic Violence Crisis Counseling and Referrals - 1-800-621-4623
- Call the Crisis Support Network for Domestic Violence - 1-800-435-7276
- CDC Family and Intimate Partner Violence Prevention - 1-404-639-3311
Ending Domestic Violence
Ending domestic violence may seem like an impossible goal, yet there is hope that it can be significantly reduced. A promising new study from Nicaragua (BMC Public Health, 2009) showed that changing the expectant woman's attitude to one of "no tolerance" to the abuse significantly decreased the incidence of violence. In other words, when the abuser's sense of control was diminished, it resulted in an end of the abuse in the family.
Remember if you are pregnant, there is no reason to live with the abuse for you or your baby. Leave a comment here if we can help you in any way.
Brenda Lane - Brenda Lane is a published author, Lamaze certified childbirth educator, DONA certified birth doula and approved birth doula trainer.
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