Are you a survivor of child abuse and you have never dealt with your past? And now on top of that, you are expecting a baby and not sure what to do? If so, you are not alone. Childbirth can be an event that is challenging to women even if their past is free from any type of abuse. But for an abuse survivor, it can feel so overwhelming that you may just simply want to shut down and "not go there." Pretty soon, you aren't talking to anyone because it feels too big.
Normal Reactions to Past Child Abuse
All of these thoughts and feelings and decision are normal if you have suffered from past abuse. Most women are initially frightened of "opening up Pandora's box" and inviting what feels like incredible pain back into their lives.
The reality is that not dealing with thoughts and emotions is usually more harmful in the long run, not just to you, but also in your close relationships with those you love. Not to mention, your newborn baby will need a healthy mother and not simply in a physical sense but on a deeper, emotional way of being whole.
How Labor and Birth Can be Affected by Past Child Abuse
One of three things is likely to happen, according to Penny Simkin and Phyllis Klaus, in their book, When Survivors Give Birth. Childbirth may not be affected much at all by the past sexual abuse. On the other hand, people or events involved in the labor or birth may act as a trigger for flashbacks of the past.
Or In some cases, if the mother has done some processing to work through her past, childbirth can be an amazing opportunity for healing to take place. Mothers may be able to overcome the pain through meeting the challenges of labor. Sometimes childbirth can help mothers feel confident to start moving forward.
Tips for an Abuse Survivor Giving Birth
Very little about being an abuse survivor is predictable. Each mother has her own set of thoughts and feelings and triggers that she will react to in different ways. However there are some good and helpful things you can do for both yourself and your loved ones before you go into labor and as you become a mother.
- Know that you are not alone.
- Recognize that you can't work through the pain of your past alone.
- Realize that there are similarities between the events of your past and that childbirth can sometimes act as a "trigger" for flashbacks.
- Try to identify those triggers ahead of time and work with your birth team to help learn strategies for working through those potential triggers.
- Work through as much of your past as you are able to before you go into labor.
Getting Help for Past Child Abuse
Remember that not everyone find help in the same way. Many women find counseling to be an essential part of their healing. They may add journaling, support groups, talking with friends and prayer to counseling.
It is important for all women to know that it is a process to work through a past history of abuse and that it can take years to find healing. However it is well worth it and your family and children will benefit from having a healthy mother!
Brenda Lane - Brenda Lane is a published author, Lamaze certified childbirth educator, DONA certified birth doula and approved birth doula trainer.
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